So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's blow job season.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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