Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
They are going to name an STD after you.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
