How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
