Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Operation Purity has been aborted
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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