I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
