I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
