If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm like, not good at living.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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