I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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