im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
