You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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