Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
