so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
