So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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