I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
