Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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