Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
why do cheetos always look like penises
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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