the new term for farting is butt boxing.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
