I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
