didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
