if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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