I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It's like God shit irony all over that family
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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