he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
