Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
