I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
