he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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