Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
