I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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