Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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