my mouth tastes like poor choices
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
How many fucks given?
0.12846
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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