Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
