Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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