This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
