some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The best revenge is premature balding
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
