Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
