Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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