Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
