I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
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