Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
