Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
