i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
