$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
