You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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