Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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