I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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