I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Randomize
