The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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