So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
