It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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