i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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