the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
